I haven't always had the best relationships with my husband's family. Some of it is my fault, yes, because I have a hard time letting people get close to me. But a whole other side to that is genuinely feeling like I wasn't accepted. We've been married for over 6 years, so this had been going on for a while. Sometimes it was a snarky remark, or a flat out rude action that just really hurt.
I would cry & complain to my husband, who of course, didn't see or hear any of it. That all changed when he finally heard a rude remark someone said around Christmas. It's about damn time, I kept thinking. But I also kept thinking, this is not how is supposed to be.
It took me becoming a mother to finally stand up for myself. It was in there all along, but out of respect, I just kept my mouth closed & would just cry about it by the time we got home. Having Fallon has given me this overwhelming urge of protection, courage, and boldness.
It all started when someone demanded as much time with MY daughter as my mom did. I naturally dismissed her demands by flat out telling her that my mom will be who I go to first and foremost. Period. End of story. When pushed further, I finally had to come out & tell her we were not that close & that I didn't trust her.
Holy sweet mother of fire did that set off the worst chain reaction. It escalated into her insisting on her knowing everything she had ever done to hurt me. 7 years down the road, there's a lot of hurt to discuss. Most of it was blown off by her or completely denied. So we really didn't get anywhere. Next thing you know, family functions are being missed because the thought of seeing her was just too much for me to bear.
Time had passed by, the hurt was still there, but just put on the back burner. I was still keeping my distance, but still pissed at how this all started. As far as my husband was concerned, as long as he didn't have to deal or think about any of it, he was perfectly fine.
Father's day rolls around. I insisted that we do something with the two of them, as it felt like the right thing to do. My husband kept saying no, but I just kept telling him it needed to be done. Worst mistake ever. All it took was Fallon freaking out & crying before things just exploded. Next thing you know, the other person is crying & telling me how cold & rude I have been to her. To her! Seriously? ? This person has caused me so much pain & anguish over the last 7 years & it's all my fault! After trying to do the right thing, I end up getting yelled & cussed out. I'm the bad guy. Meanwhile my husband just stands there looking at the ground while I am just being attacked.
I had never felt like giving up so bad in my life. I had just turned it my 2 weeks notice, my husband wasn't there for me when I needed him most, and my world felt like it was coming to an end. I felt like grabbing Fallon & running away.
Word spread through both of our families like wildfire. Angry texts & phone calls, more fights, the family was torn. Guess who got all the brunt of it? That's right, me. No one said a word to my husband. I received all the hate. All I could is think, "how did it get this far? ??" Then I remembered. I stood up for myself.
I have yet to talk to either one of them since that day. And no things have not gotten better. The family is still torn. We've missed so many family functions, it's unbelievable. All because I was tired of being treated wrong.
Sometimes I look back & think was it worth it? Should I have just kept my mouth shut? But what does that teach my child? To never stand up for yourself?
I haven't been to church in a long time. I recently started attending again. Lo & behold, first sermon I come across, is about forgiveness.
Ugh. Really? I don't want to forgive them or the other family members that have taken their side. They suck.
But every night, I take a deep breath & I pray for them. I pray that God blesses them. No its not easy, & when I sit & actually think about all of it, the tears and pain overwhelms me & I begin sobbing again.
I felt like I did the right thing & honestly I'd do it all over again. All I can do is take it one day at a time until we can all learn to let it go.
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