A new beginning

A few months ago, my husband & I made the decision for me to be a stay at home mom. Trust me, although I was excited, I was also incredibly nervous. What about bills? Will I be happy?  Will I be bored? What am I going to do now? ? I've been working since I was 16, & to be almost 30 and have no job and income for the 1st time in my life was quite terrifying.

I was tired. Tired of the monotony of blue OR scrubs. Tired of charting.  Tired of the long drive. Tired of rushing out of there to make sure I picked her up in time. 

I made the move from night shift in the NICU to taking a daytime position with the anesthesia in the OR. The hours were great; no holidays, no weekends... But like they say, a baby changes everything. My husband was up for a promotion at his job,  & he kept reassuring me that once it happened,  I could stay home if I wanted.

Fallon was born & it was time for me to go back to work. That first week was horrible. I almost puked on the way to work I felt so sick. Months passed by & still no promotion. I began to be very resentful at my job. In fact, I was downright pissed almost everyday I went to work. I missed her so much. I would sit at work & look at pictures and videos & just cry. To top it off,  my husband told me staying home may no longer be an option as more medical bills just came piling through. 

By that point, I was devastated. I would rush home with her to spend a measly 30 minutes with her before she went down for a nap, ate & then went to bed. I didn't even know my daughter & my daughter didn't know me. 

Our finances barely caught up by the time he got his promotion. I picked a date, & set it in stone. That first week was something else. My poor baby didn't know what was going on. And quite frankly, neither did I. I had to learn to get this stay at home mom thing down & fast. It wasn't easy, I'm not going to lie. I had to learn to consolidate on a whole different level. In fact, I was still waking up at 5-6 am out of habit.     

But I can honestly say that I have never been happier. I remember one of the OR nurses telling me I was going to hate it & be completely bored. Lies & deceit!  I have yet to have one day where I've been bored. I now have the opportunity to "know" my baby. I see what makes her happy, I get to be there for her milestones. 

I can't even begin to describe how she makes my heart so happy. Instead of a blaring alarm clock at 0530, her coos and rattle shaking are now my alarm. She wakes up with a big smile on her face every morning & it just warms my soul. 

Being a SAHM is not easy & neither is working and trying to be a full time mom. To all you mothers out there still working, I salute you. I know it's hard.